Monday, August 07, 2006

For those who wonder whatever happened to this blog, it has moved to

so come on over and see what's cooking there as well...

drop me a comment as I've been feeling as if I've been talking to the wall... ;0)


Friday, July 14, 2006

hi, i'm consolidating my blog... i won't be updating 2 blogs from now on. I'm using the other one only, so there you go...

Thursday, July 13, 2006

It's been two years it seems since the last time I wrote here. Well, time has passed and I've grown a bit more... wiser, I hope. A lot has changed since two years ago. I have moved up the career ladder, more responsibilities, a bit more well-travelled and lost my garden. I moved to an apartment building owned by the company in exchange of my soul.. read here, in charge of young of all people. Maybe people see something in me that inspire confidence that I can be an adequate role model. Or there aren't anyone who are willing to sell their soul and free time to take care of 360 college girls.

All of the sudden, I feel like going back to writing in this blog. Actually, in the last six months I have been feeling that I want to write. Before this I feel a little like a pretender when I tried to write. I feel like I have to write about nice things only when I have this rage inside clawing to get out and shout at the world. I blame it on the patriachial world I live in. Where women needs to be all nice and keep their mouths shut if they are not happy with anything. Well, I'm too old to do that anymore. I am going to say my piece if I feel like it and if you don't like it, please feel free to lodge a complaint with the moral police. The number is 555-5555...

I also put this reckless attitude to the fact that I'm turning 33 this year and I'm not looking to get married. There!! I've said it! I've been deemed to be left on the shelf and past my expiry date. And let me tell you that it is a great load off my shoulder. I can now be more of myself. Not that I was trying to be somebody else, it was more like "let's not worry them with things like that" kind of thing. Or probably I had some subconscious desire to get married like other ppl. Therefore displaying behavior well-suited for someone who want to get married. Well, no more Bucky! This is me world! Take it or leave it. The world needs spinsters like me. We add some spice to the sickeningly sweet mixture of cloyness that premeates the air... Think of it as a whiff of eucalyptus oil in a roomful of rose potpurri and scented candles.

So world, if you think that the content of this blog might upset you, I suggest that you go to some other blogs that are fluffy and warm and fuzzy... or read my 4 entries from two years ago. That's fuzzy.... you can read them til you're cross-eyed. So what I'm saying basically is that "Reader's Discretion Advised" for Malaysian public.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

My computer skills is apparently on the similar level to that of my gardening skills. I've been trying for days to publish some photo here... but alas it's all in vain.

I simply can't do it.

It's ok, I'll get it soon (I hope)

It's very frustrating though. I'm going to get some breakfast and get back to work afterwards. I've loads of stuff to deal with.

To those who have been trying to follow my meandering thoughts, thank you. I know it's very hard to follow something when it is almost non existent. However, after seeing Nisah's site last night, I'm so impressed and I wish to follow in her footsteps. Might not be as profound as hers, but it sure beats reading 2 entries for 2 whole months. For those who are interested in finding out more about her, she's one of Malaysia treasure. She writes in Malay and her books are not those semi literate Malay almost soft porn chick-lit you find out there at the bookstores. She is the real deal. She won the 2 place in the novel competition organized by Utusan Malaysia. It's cool-so check it out...

To zrett... akabar? oooo nak attack kanis punya blog yek... boleh... as soon as you can teach me how to put an attack space. So nak kanis tolong makankan apa ni kat Melaka... heheh....
I hope to see you soon... study hard:)

laterz dudes and dudettes

Monday, June 28, 2004

Ah, Sun-flower! weary of time,
Who countest the steps of the Sun;
Seeking after that sweet golden clime
Where the traveller’s journey is done:

Where the Youth pined away with desire,
And the pale Virgin shrouded in snow:
Arise from their graves and aspire,
Where my Sun-flower wishes to go.

William Blake
Songs of Experience (1794) ‘Ah, Sun-flower!’

I love all flowers. I adore them and I cherish them. But no matter how hard I try, gardening still eludes me. I wonder why? I bought countless gardening books (well actually just 10;)) But still everything I touch would die. It's very sad actually. All my love can't save the flowers that I plant. Once, a friend, who possessed the greenest thumb ever among my peers, told me, "Why do you torture all these plants? If you just buy them just to kill them, don't even buy plants." She's a consummate gardener. We were 24 when she said that. Even now years later, those words still disturb me. Once, Madilin (another non-gardener like myself) and I bought a spider plant each. They say that any fool can keep them alive. I guess we must be the only fools in the world who couldn't keep a measly spider plant alive. They were dying... we agonized over them and begged them to get well. Well we decided that we would no longer be selfish and gave them up for adoption. Phawani was the name of the lady who took over the caring of the plants. A month later she told us, "Hey, the plants you gave me are really thriving. My husband and I even divided and repotted them.... I looked at Maddie and she looked at me. "Great," said the two non-gardeners with envy.

People have told me that I'm stubborn. I guess they are right since I've been trying again and again to cultivate my gardening skills as I cultivate my plants. So last week after 2 years since the previous attempt, I treated myself to a garden...

"How ambitious," you might say, when one plant hardly ever survive because of me... A few have survived in spite of me though. The reason for a garden, well if you can call 3 bougainvillae plants, 2 types of jasmine plants, a lime plant, a type of succulent (see all that reading has paid off), a lotus plant and another sturdy-looking water plant- a garden, is that it looks happier when all the flowerpots are neatly lined up against my wall. I bought 2 pots of instant flowers (for the lack of words). It is a package that includes 4 seeds, about 3 cups of soil and a plastic flowerpot. I also bought a few packets of seeds: sunflowers (MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE), morning glory (I have the feeling that they aren't very demanding. After all they thrive unattended hehe..), 2 types of annuals and one other plant that I can't remember the name (the reading hasn't really paid off, i guess) . I got a mixture of plants to start with. So we'll see how it goes.

When I was watering my "garden" I saw that my sunflowers and the 2 instant flowerpots have sprouted. I am so happy. I hope the gladness stays.

Then I got to thinking, gardening teaches us deferred gratification. It teaches us patience in waiting for the fruit or flowers of our labor to appear. Compare that with buying flowers. When you buy flowers, your desire for flowers is instantly gratified when the money exchanged hand.

On the other hand, gardening has us battling with heartache, numerous leaves with no flower in sight and worry that the plant might die, before blessing us with the flowers that we grow with our own hands. It's the most satisfying feeling in the world... especially for a minimal garderner that I am.

I'll keep you posted.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Fragile as the leave in autumn...

Sometimes we are oblivious to what we are doing and its consequences that it takes a similar experience to happen to someone you care about for you to see it from another perspective and realize that you have been thoughtless and unfair.

Why is that?

Why can't we automatically know? Wouldn't it be nice to be able to avoid all that complication, now?

I know, I know, it doesn't work that way. What then can be done? Well, learn from experience, I always say. Life is a journey and as Roxie and Velma said, "We move on."

Saturday, April 24, 2004

hello world!!